


Unsent Letters

by uwujii



Series: Haikyuu Angst Week 2020 [6]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Love Letters, M/M, its just sad idk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-06
Updated: 2020-11-06
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:02:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27416971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uwujii/pseuds/uwujii
Summary: Your high school love,Sugawara Koushi.
Relationships: Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi
Series: Haikyuu Angst Week 2020 [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1995433
Comments: 1
Kudos: 20
Collections: Haikyuu Angst Week 2020





	Unsent Letters

**Author's Note:**

> Day 6 (Tier 1, 2 & 3): Firsts and Lasts + Right Person, Wrong Time + "The worst thing, even after everything is, I still love you." 

Dear Sawamura,

It's me, Koushi. This is the first letter I've ever written in my whole life, so I'm not sure if it's ever going to be as good as the letters you wrote for me back in high school. I still read through them, you know.

It's been a week since we broke up; University's been hard without you coming over and studying together. It's lonely in the apartment now. Asahi and Kiyoko's been visiting, but when they leave, I feel all alone without you.

I'm writing this knowing it'll never reach you, but it's all I can do with all the free time I've gotten ever since you left. Literally, you had to leave Japan; you had to leave me. You needed to focus on your goals, with or without me. We were scared of long-distance, and we had to end it. 

Sometimes I wonder if we'd work out if we tried, but we can't go back to that now. We'll be too busy, we'll be in different timezones, and I'm sure trust issues will come with the distance. I knew you wanted to try it out too, but if it means we suddenly have a falling out because of it, you were scared. 

I get it, I know. I felt the same way. 

We haven't talked ever since you left. No messages, no updates, nothing. It saddens me every time I check. I always hope you message me to ask how I'm doing. I'm too much of a wimp to try and do it first, I'm sorry. You know I'm not one to make first moves. 

Should I wait until you come back? We never got to talk about it. It never came up when we had the talk, now it's just a lingering question in my mind every time I'm reminded of you, and that's every day. 

\- Koushi

* * *

Dear Sawamura, 

It's been two months since you left. We haven't talked, and I still miss you like the way I did the first time you left. I still love you. You were perfect. You were everything I could have asked for; why did I have to lose you like this? 

I understand prioritizing your goals, but now I'm asking the universe. Why did it have to take Sawamura Daichi away from me? 

You didn't cheat, you didn't mistreat me, you never failed to make me smile, you always made sure to support me with everything I did. You were perfect. I never failed to show you how much I loved you and treated you right, because dammit, you deserve it. 

You deserve all the love in the world, Sawamura. I just wished I could still give it to you now. I would give everything just to show you and prove to you that you deserve all that love. Everything. 

But you're still gone, and we haven't talked. I tried to make the first move this time, too. I tried contacting you, but I never got a hold of you. I wish I could have at least known how you were doing. 

I wish I could do so much more, but this is my last year. I'm always busy, and I don't even have time to check on my socials anymore, but I remember to check yours when I do. Your accounts are quiet like always, so I never get to know what you're up to. 

\- Koushi

* * *

Dear Sawamura, 

It's been four months since I wrote the second letter, and it's been six months since you left. I still love you as much as I did back in high school. I still miss you every single day. I still stare at my phone, hoping and waiting that you'll message me somehow. 

I tried to contact you again this month to tell you that I finally graduated. I wish I could have celebrated with you, but our friends filled up the hole you left. Although I yearned for your celebratory hugs, I received ones from others. I loved them, but I miss the ones you give. 

I hope you're okay out there; I hope you're safe. I see you being tagged by other people on your social media, but you never interact with them for me to know if you'll respond. But I guess you being tagged in posts mean you're alive and well out there. 

I hope one day we'll talk again, to catch up, to answer abandoned questions, everything. I miss your smile, your laugh, and your look of disapproval when I do something stupid.

I really miss you.

\- Koushi

* * *

Dear Sawamura,

Happy new year, and happy birthday. It's supposed to be a happy celebration, but I miss you. This is the first Christmas I'm spending without you, and it's the first time I didn't make you anything for your birthday. I wish you were here with me, getting tipsy and laughing while we cuddle in bed because of the cold weather. 

Now I'm just drinking hot chocolate alone in my living room. 

I wish I knew that last year would be my last Christmas and last celebration of your birthday with you. I should have bought you something much more extravagant than just baking you a cake and giving you an ugly Christmas sweater as a joke. 

I wish I knew. I could've given you something better. 

I'm still staying in the old apartment. It's close to where I'm working. I got hired to work at a daycare; the children there are lovely. They're a mess, sure, but they always fill my heart with happiness. 

I love taking care of them; they remind me of Hinata and the others back in high school. The children are much more sloppy and loud, but it took me back. Makes me laugh when I look back, really. Some of them are professional volleyball players now. 

Remember when they secretly called me 'Sugamama' and you 'Dadchi'? It was fun; we were like a family back then. 

I miss them. I miss you. 

I wish I knew what you were doing now. Have you gotten a job? Do you have your own apartment? Are you seeing someone else now? Have you moved on? 

\- Koushi

* * *

Dear Sawamura, 

Happy valentines. I love you. I miss you.

I wanted to make chocolates for you, but I can't make something that isn't going to anyone. I miss making you chocolates, telling you how much I love you, and being more showy than usual on valentines to intentionally annoy our friends. 

I still wait for the day that we get to meet. I still wait for the day we finally get to talk, we haven't yet, and I'm starting to lose hope. 

Should I? 

Should I stop waiting?

\- Koushi

* * *

Dear Sawamura,

It's the third week of March, around the time we broke up, and you leaving the week after. 

It's been a year. 

It's been a year since I've started waiting. 

Should I stop? 

We haven't talked since then. I've gotten no updates on you, and none of our friends have contact with you. A tug in my heart stops me every time I try. It hurts me to even try and think of moving on. 

You were so perfect; we were so perfect. 

\- Koushi

* * *

Dear Sawamura,

It's the 12th of July, a day before my birthday. 

I've decided. 

I'll stop. 

I haven't been holding onto anything for the past year. I've been trying to talk to you, always hoping that one day, I'd get a notification, and it'd come from you. But I never do. I've lost all contact with you, and I don't know what else to do. 

It hurts every passing day, just waiting. I thought I could be patient, but there are things I can't handle anymore. I'll miss everything about you, Sawamura. You made me the happiest man alive, but you also caused me this much pain and sadness.

You let go of me a year ago while I still held on, and I think it's time for me to do the same.

I'll never find anyone else like you, but I'm constantly hurting now, just waiting and hoping for nothing. It's not healthy. It's sad though, even after everything, I still love you. 

But I guess I'll take my time moving on. I guess right now, I can still say that I love you, but I hope in the future, I can say that I don't and I'm happy. 

This is my last letter. 

Your high school love, 

Sugawara Koushi. 


End file.
